Post-Scout Depression

depression-brain-scanPost-Scout Depression (scientifically called Sanic withdrawal) is a common medical condition linked with the sudden loss of sanics. Typically, the onset of ‘PSD‘ is caused by switching from a class or loadout with a high sanic rating to one with a significantly lower sanic rating. The result of the abrupt change is a noticeable depression in brain activity as the patient adjusts to their new limitations, a step which is clinically referred to as ‘sanic withdrawal’.

Symptoms of PSD include: lowered neural activity (see PET scan), dopamine deficiency, anger or irritability, slurred speech, loss of energy, inability to avoid damage, and reckless behaviour. Many of these symptoms are linked with PSD’s twin metabolic disorder, sanic dependence, which is caused by a patient’s body becoming too reliant on their sanics to avoid damage or to disengage effectively after overextending, allowing them to coast by on relatively sloppy play.

There are no remedies for post-scout depression. Despite this, Imperial doctors and medical researchers recommend, when switching from a high sanic class or loadout to a lower one, to transition slowly and in multi-class intervals. These preventative measures have shown great success in reducing the effect of sanic dependence, and in effect, PSD.

King Crimson

2r9c4omKing Crimson is a phenomenon that sometimes appears in multiplayer games, especially multiplayer shooters like Team Fortress 2Counter-Strike, and Call of Duty. A King Crimson event occurs when a player is experiencing such a high volume of lag and packet loss that they appear to teleport between positions rather than actually move to them. King Crimsons are notoriously hard to kill, as one can never truly be sure where their true position is. Combined with the forgiving lag compensation in the Source Engine, a King Crimson is a major threat to all those in opposition when it appears on the battlefield.

King Crimson is named after a character of the same name in the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure manga. In the series, King Crimson is a ‘stand’ with the ability to erase “frames” of time like how one edits a movie. The result is something which mirrors the way packet loss is handled in some multiplayer games.

As an added bonus, the character is named after an awesome prog band.

Dark Forces

Dark_Forces_coverDark Forces is a label given to a number of hypothetical omniscient forces that act against the Empire. Though the existence of the Dark Forces have never been empirically proven, their effects on Imperials has been measured and documented. Researchers have even gone as far as calling the Dark Forces “the ultimate, undying and intangible enemy of the Empire that threatens to tear the Imperials apart from inside.”

The Dark Forces are assumed to be responsible for a countless number of atrocities and tragedies. Some of these include:

  • assuring you are paired with incompetent dimwits while your enemies are comprised entirely of seasoned veterans
  • rigging psudeo-random mechanics such that a Soldier with 0.2 hours played and 0 points on the verge of death fires seven critical rockets in a row
  • orchestrating events that lead to severe lag spikes in crucial clutch situations

As the Dark Forces themselves are intangible, efforts by the Empire to quell or somehow lessen their effects have been unsuccessful. Several campaigns to end the terror of the Dark Forces have ended in complete disaster and massive loss of lives. Many feel that, as long as the Empire prospers, the Dark Forces will continue to cause terror and destruction, like a deranged application of Newton’s Third Law.

SimCity

tf2-gunsSimCity is an Imperialish term to refer to an overly defensive team. A team is said to be ‘playing SimCity’ if they’ve built more than three Level 3 Sentry Guns on the last capture point of a map. Sentry Guns are without a doubt the best defensive tool in the game, and two Sentry Guns covering each other can be difficult to push through. Three Level 3 Sentry Guns with proper crossfire is extremely difficult to destroy, but it can be done consistently. However, four or more Level 3 Sentry Guns with proper placement is absolutely impossible to push through without proper team support (which is almost never available). Thus, a SimCity defense can be considered an unbreakable defense provided you have the co-ordination to build and maintain the nests.

The tactic is named after the popular game series created by the late Maxis Software, in which a mayor must build and govern a city from scratch.

X(

dredd_510X(” (read as Dreddface) is an Imperialish emoticon associated with fictional and non-fictional OPERATORS of extremely righteous or virtuous moral values. The emoticon is often accompanied by short, loaded statements about morality, justice or the nature of mankind. The emoticon originates from the comic book character Judge Dredd, who is always seen donning an iconic red helmet bearing an “X” insignia, and an equally iconic perma-frown. Thus, the face depicted in the emoticon “X(” is a perfect representation of the character and the values for which he stands for.

Some examples of such profound quotes that would often be associated with the Dreddface follow:

  • “It’s all the deep end.” – X(
  • “I am the law.” – X(
  • “Yeah.” – X(
  • “You are already dead.” – X(
  • “Drug bust. Perps were uncooperative.” – X(
  • “Admirable.” – X(
  • “Defense noted.” – X(
  • “This isn’t a negotiation.” – X(

We Fucked Up Everything

go_backGo back, we fucked up everything,” is a popular Imperialish expression. The idiom is often spoken as a faux-warning to other Imperials regarding a subject they may not be familiar with. The phrase is common in situations where time-travel is involved, where a time-traveler usually returns to the past to warn those who are not enlightened that, in the future, they “…have fucked up everything.” The phrase stems from an edited version of the March of Progress, with the last stage being flipped to face the others, uttering the infamous phrase.

It is important to note that the phrase, when spoken, puts heavy emphasis on the final word. This is to imply that, in the future, not only are things in a state of despair, but they have indeed fucking up everything that there was to fuck up.

The phrase sees frequent usage in Team Fortress 2 and Civilization. In Team Fortress 2, the phrase is usually uttered as a warning to other players of an incoming threat or a dangerous area. In Civilization, which deals with a much more grand scale, the phrase is a commonly spoken situation report in times of mayhem within ones empire, especially after (or during) losing a major war.

That Went Well

thatwentwellWell, that, uh…. that went well.” is a popular Imperialish idiom. It is used ironically in situations which end unfavourably for the Imperial(s) involved. The line stems from the 2008 film Iron Man, in which Obadiah Stane (played by Jeff Bridges) utters the line to Tony Stark following a disastrous press meeting. The line also appears in episode 11 of the ill-fated TV show Firefly, which opens with Malcolm Reynolds alone and naked in an empty desert and stating “That… that went well.”

The phrase is somewhat similar to the Imperial “None of That\It Never Ends” sets of proverbs, though it differs significantly in its delivery. “That went well” is often reserved for discussions following a major catastrophic event, and is spoken in reflection. Its context is much like “We Fucked Up Everything”, although the latter is usually only spoken as a warning rather than a reflective statement.

Sofort

sofortSofort” (/zo-fout/) is a German loanword in the Imperialish language. In German, ‘sofort’ is an imperative adverb meaning ‘immediately’. In Imperialish, however, the meaning of ‘sofort’ is more comparable to that of the word ‘fuck’ in English. This is due to the fact that in the movie Der Untergang, Adolf Hitler screams the word at Günsche with such force and anger that the word sounds like it could be a homonym of the phrase, ‘the fuck?’ in English.

Shamefur Dispray

tumblr_lo25qt9ZRO1qlcxl2o1_500A Shameful Display (Imperialish: Shamefur Dispray, Japanese: シャメフルヂサプライ, shamefuru disupurai) is an act of great dishonour, bringing shame and humiliation to the person in question. The term originated from the game Total War: Shogun 2 (Imperialish: Total War: Shotgun 2), where the event of your soldiers fleeing the battlefield in fear is declared a shamefur dispray by the field commander, lamenting the cowardice of his men. It is decisively not OPERATOR.

Sanic

tumblr_ljhzymdEIc1qil6hqo1_500A sanic (Imperialish symbol:sanic) is a unit of speed, expressing the velocity of an OPERATOR at any given time. The sanic is a versatile unit that originated from the video game Tribes: Ascend, and is the quintessential unit of velocity in the Tribes environment. The word ‘sanic’ is a popular name for the deformed version of Sonic the Hedgehog drawn by an anonymous amateur artist. The artist also chose to place the words, “Gotta go fast,” above the monstrosity’s head, a line taken from the opening theme to the TV show, Sonic X.