Dark Forces

Dark_Forces_coverDark Forces is a label given to a number of hypothetical omniscient forces that act against the Empire. Chaussures Adidas Yeezy 330 Boost Though the existence of the Dark Forces have never been empirically proven, their effects on Imperials has been measured and documented. Researchers have even gone as far as calling the Dark Forces “the ultimate, undying and intangible enemy of the Empire that threatens to tear the Imperials apart from inside.” The Dark Forces are assumed to be responsible for a countless number of atrocities and tragedies. Some of these include:

  • assuring you are paired with incompetent dimwits while your enemies are comprised entirely of seasoned veterans
  • rigging psudeo-random mechanics such that a Soldier with 0.2 hours played and 0 points on the verge of death fires seven critical rockets in a row
  • orchestrating events that lead to severe lag spikes in crucial clutch situations

As the Dark Forces themselves are intangible, efforts by the Empire to quell or somehow lessen their effects have been unsuccessful. Chaussure Adidas Yeezy 750 Boost Several campaigns to end the terror of the Dark Forces have ended in complete disaster and massive loss of lives.


207px-M79_6SPACE JAM was an Imperial OPERATOR who was particularly skilled with the M79 Grenade Launcher (Imperialish: Thumper) to the point that enemy combatants could not contain their intense hatred for him. Adidas Ultra Boost Soldes His prowess with the Thumper can be linked to his equal skill with a basketball, and the similarity in trajectory of the Thumper’s projectiles and basketballs. Adidas Yeezy Boost 750 The amount of enemy tears collected by SPACE JAM is that which few OPERATORS can claim to match. Adidas Ultra Boost France SPACE JAM was also fond of singing the lyrics of the theme song to the 1996 movie, Space Jam, in the server chat in all capitals.

Professional Upward Player

pl_upwardA “Professional Upward Player” is an Imperialish slang saying for a player with an absolute lack of knowledge about high-level play in Team Fortress 2. The joke was first uttered in the Shitnerds Mumble server during an ETF2L match against Ducksoup Gaming in response to the apparent fact that the team had actually practiced pl_upward prior the the match, a map that is considered a strictly scrub-only map. Chaussure Adidas Ultra Boost The Shitnerds would later go on to sweep Duckshit Gaming 3-0 on cp_gravelpit, an attack/defense map that is popular among high-level Team Fortress 2 players. What began as an implicit joke at first grew into fact as a chat with Ducksoup Gaming member JMB solidified the suspicions:

  • 7:12 PM – ibuprofen: we have 0 experience with upward
  • 7:12 PM – ibuprofen: because most of us play 6v6 exclusively
  • 7:12 PM – [DSG] JMB: we actually practiced that map.. but we suck at Gpit
  • 7:12 PM – ibuprofen: hahahahaha

Before the chat, the idea that Ducksoup Gaming had actually practiced pl_upward was a humorous thought, but simply an implication. Yeezy Boost 350 Pas Cher Afterwards, it had become obvious that Ducksoup Gaming was actually more Full Retard than previously suspected by the Empire.


bcae57492bcff355032fad9Kenshiro (Japanese: ケンシロウ) is a fictional character from Fist of the North Star (Japanese: 北斗の拳 Hokuto no Ken). The character is popular in the Empire due to his extremely high OPERATOR power level and his catchphrase, “You are already dead.” Kenshiro is a master of Hokuto Shinken, an ancient 1,800-year-old Chinese assassination art which cannot be mastered by scum like you. Moda His main attack consists of a flurry of extremely fast punches and kicks, which deal tremendous damage to flesh, rock, metal, earth, armour, organs, weapons, bones, bombs—pretty much everything. Every attack is accompanied by a loud, high-pitched “ATATATATATA” which eventually ends with a loud and stretched “waTA!” following an ultimate attack. Much like Doomguy, Kenshiro’s prowess at combat using nothing but knowledge and strength is a value that is well-indoctrinated in Imperial and OPERATOR culture. Kenshiro’s theme song, “Ai Wo Torimodose!!” (Japanese: 愛をとりもどせ!!, sometimes referred to as ‘You wa Shock’ in Imperialish) is also notable for exerting high levels of Iron Mans on the OPERATOR scale. It is important to take into account that the lyrics of the song are more consistent with a love song rather than an action-packed OPERATOR tune.


Darius_the_Great_Bistun01_smallThe Emperator is a position held by the leader of the Empire. Since the inception of the Empire, the position of the Emperator has customarily been held by an OPERATOR, although no explicit laws exist that would deny the throne of the Emperator to anyone not of the OPERATOR dynasty. Adidas Ultra Boost Femme Pas Cher The Emperator is purely a symbolic position, and the Emperator has no tangible rule of law over the Imperials. Despite this, many Imperials and OPERATORS choose to follow through with the wishes of the Emperator through their own will. Adidas Yeezy Boost 350 V2 Acheter The identity of the first Emperator of the Empire is unknown. Acheter Adidas Ultra Boost Many Imperial scholars have speculated that during the infancy of the Empire, a council of OPERATORS from the original Good Company held the position of Emperator collectively.

Doc Croc

thxdocDoc Croc (Also known as Big Croc or Naked Snake) is a legendary Cold War spy of Imperial origins. La mode européenne A fierce American patriot, Doc Croc was personally responsible for the apprehension of the rogue Soviet Colonel Volgin and the destruction of the Shagohad, a dangerous Soviet mech. These feats are even more impressive when you consider the fact that Doc Croc is literally a bipedal Indian Gavial in a lab coat, wearing a thick layer of facepaint reminiscent of the flag of the United States. Due to this, Doc Croc was limited in the variety of electronic gadgets and technology he could utilize on the battlefield. Nevertheless, Doc Croc was able to complete his mission successfully and was later given the title of “Big Croc” by the President of the United States. Industrie de la mode Later in his life, Doc Croc stopped a bipedal nuclear-capable mech in a pair of boxers, and several genetic clones of him were created by the organization known as the Patriots, the most notable of which being Jihad Snake. Some Imperial scholars believe that Doc Croc was the corporal incarnation of the Ancient Egyptian deity, Sobek, the target of much worship and reverent by Egyptian zealots. The origin of Doc Croc is a live playthrough of Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater in a single sitting streamed live on Stream Eater. During the playthrough, the viewers of the stream constantly urged the player to recover the “Croc Cap” item, which was subsequently worn for the entire playthrough. The event was completely unplanned and spontaneous. Mode The name “Doc Croc” was coined by the viewers of the stream.

Chancellor Valorum

ValorumPortrait-SWEFinis Valorum (commonly called by his title Chancellor Valorum or just Valorum) is the current Supreme Chancellor of the Empire. Acheter Yeezy Boost 350 The position of Supreme Chancellor operates directly underneath the Emperator himself, and is in charge of managing the deliberations of the Imperial Senate; however, Valorum is most notable for being one of the most bumbling and ineffective political leaders in the history of the Empire. Calzoncillos Calvin Klein Despite this, Imperial voters unanimously vote him back into power every single election just to see what kind of accidental antics the maladroit fool gets himself into next. Adidas Yeezy Boost 350 France Ropa Interior Calvin Klein

“Why do we care about Valorum again?” – Imperial Journalist

The most notable example of Chancellor Valorum’s complete and utter ineptitude is his handling of a simple dispute over taxes that snowballed into a major war between members of the senate. Yeezy Boost 350 Pas Cher Culotte Calvin Klein Valorum began by sending out a party of two to investigate the dispute. The investigators were ambushed by the Trade Federation leaders, but were able to escape and vowed to “warn the Naboo, and contact Chancellor Valorum.” When the Supreme Chancellor and the delegates of the Senate were informed of a tragedy that had occurred that started “right here with the taxation of the trade routes,” Valorum instead asked if the Senator would “defer [his] motion to allow a commission to investigate the validity of [his] accusations,” despite the fact that he had the testimony of the two investigators that he himself trusted and sent to settle the whole dispute in the first place. Yeezy Boost 350 Femme Pas Cher Valorum’s clumsy mishandling of a simple dispute would eventually “[engulf] our entire planet in the oppression of the Trade Federation,” a hilarious outcome that cemented Valorum’s position as the Supreme Chancellor in the eyes of the Empire.

War on Mini-Sentries

mini_sentry_by_dromlexer-d6lilccThe War on Min-Sentries is an ongoing conflict between the Empire and Gunslinger Engineers. The war began on July 8, 2010 when Valve Corporation released the Engineer Update for Team Fortress 2, which added the Gunslinger into the game. Bragas de Calvin Klein Currently, it is unknown whether the War on Mini-Sentries will see any sort of conclusion in the foreseeable future. The Gunslinger allows Engineers to construct the Mini-Sentry, a cheap 100 metal Sentry Gun replacement that is widely believed to be one of (if not the only) truly unbalanced weapon ever added to Team Fortress 2. The Mini-Sentry deploys in less than three seconds, requires no maintenance, and locks down any and all areas with its 100% accurate auto-aim gun and a 360 degree arc of rotation. In addition, the Engineer gains 25 additional health points just for equipping the weapon. Adidas Yeezy Boost Acheter Calvin Klein Ropa Interior Mujer The Gunslinger is problematic in that once the Engineer has plopped the weapon down, his foe’s attention and firepower must now be divided between the belligerent Engineer and his rapidly deploying Mini-Sentry. Adidas Ultra Boost Femme Pas Cher Calzoncillos Calvin Klein Combined with the fact that the Engineer can freely fire any of his weapons at you during this time, it is nigh impossible for a foe to escape unscathed from an encounter with a Gunslinger Engineer. As if that wasn’t enough, the Mini-Sentry’s 360-degree auto-aim fire will shut down Scouts, jumping Soldiers, and jumping Demomen with a simple press of a button. Chaussures Adidas Yeezy 330 Boost Yeezy Boost 350 Pas Cher The Empire takes great offense at Gunslinger Engineers. Adidas Yeezy Boost France Whenever an enemy Gunslinger Engineer is spotted, Imperials focus all of their efforts in order to make certain that they do not enjoy their heretical experience. Instrumental in this conflict is the Direct Hit for the Soldier, the direct counter to the Mini-Sentry, which can destroy the building in a single hit. Adidas Yeezy Boost 750 Pas Cher Adidas Ultra Boost Pas Cher The use of the Gunslinger is strictly prohibited within the Empire; Imperials must not give into their hate and instead stand as paragons of all that is just and balanced.

Modern Doomfare 2

RIP_OF_TEARModern Doomfare 2 (Actual name: Real Guns Hardcore) is a modification for Doom that is regarded by every OPERATOR as literally the best thing ever created. Calzoncillos Calvin Klein Outlet The mod itself incorporates almost every Modern Warfare 2 weapon and perk into Doom and eliminates every single bad thing about Modern Warfare 2 in the process. Tangas Calvin Klein Para Mujer The amount of joy that comes from playing Modern Doomfare 2 is unmatched in the Empire, and has become a staple sport among the Imperials, who often run through Doom WADs on co-op.


555px-Kar98kbayonetThe Mauser Karabiner 98 Kurz (Imperialish: Kar98k, sometimes just Kar98) is a weapon regarded by every OPERATOR as literally the greatest thing ever created by the hands of men. Naturally, the Kar98k is a product of German Engineering, and stands tall as possibly the greatest example of a tool designed to end the lives of the Jabronis at the other end of it. The Kar98k is a bolt-action rifle, meaning that, after firing a massive 8x57mm IS cartridge, the OPERATOR must manually crank the bolt on the side of the rifle up and back to release the shell, and back again to load another one. The result of this is that, not only does the shooter look OPERATOR as fuck, an orgasmic sound is produced by the operation of the bolt. Calvin Klein Slip Furthermore, Kar98k rounds are either loaded individually or by a clip, which is also considered OPERATOR. Tanga Calvin Klein The Empire regards the Kar98k as one of its greatest assets. Since being featured in Call of Duty 2, the Kar98k made a welcome comeback in Call of Duty: World at War along with its German-engineered comrade, the MP40. The label of “Kar98k” can also be applied to any bolt-action, high-damage, high-accuracy rifle that is deemed especially NATO by Imperials.