King Crimson

2r9c4omKing Crimson is a phenomenon that sometimes appears in multiplayer games, especially multiplayer shooters like Team Fortress 2Counter-Strike, and Call of Duty. A King Crimson event occurs when a player is experiencing such a high volume of lag and packet loss that they appear to teleport between positions rather than actually move to them. King Crimsons are notoriously hard to kill, as one can never truly be sure where their true position is. Combined with the forgiving lag compensation in the Source Engine, a King Crimson is a major threat to all those in opposition when it appears on the battlefield.

King Crimson is named after a character of the same name in the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure manga. In the series, King Crimson is a ‘stand’ with the ability to erase “frames” of time like how one edits a movie. The result is something which mirrors the way packet loss is handled in some multiplayer games.

As an added bonus, the character is named after an awesome prog band.

Weapon to Surpass Metal Gear

tumblr_msnwalCbPt1svu8h1o2_400The Weapon to Surpass Metal Gear (sometimes just shortened to Metal Gear in-game) is an upgraded killstreak available in Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare. The Metal Gear consists of an XS-1 Goliath killstreak with the underbarrel rocket launcher and shoulder-mounted homing rocket modules installed. Though this raises the cost of the killstreak considerably, it is also what makes the fully-equipped armoured suit the ultimate weapon to surpass Metal Gear.

Though killstreaks of the same cost such as the Paladin can offer fairly consistent results, with the right OPERATOR the Metal Gear can lock down entire areas, overwhelm a defensive position, and generally wreak havoc across the battlefield. An additional module can be installed, either the Exo Ping or the Exo Trophy system, though Imperial researchers have concluded that their effectiveness versus their cost increase is insufficient.

Steyr AUG

AUS Soldier with AUGThe Steyr AUG (Imperialish: AUG HBAR, pronounced “huh-bar”) is an Austrian bullpup assault rifle. It is of much importance to the Empire due to its clutch characteristics. When unleashed in Modern Warfare 2 and Modern Doomfare 2, it showers the target with an unending barrage of bullets and death. Needless to say, many Revenants and Jabronis fell prey to this beast of a machine. The AUG was first discovered in Counter-Strike 1.6, but due to its inherent shittiness of not being an AK-47, AWP, or an M4A1, it was ignored by the Empire. Later, in Counter-Strike: Goyim Offensive, the weapon received significant rebalancing to make it much more OPERATOR.

Speed Cola

speed_cola2Speed Cola is a fictional brand of soft drink featured in Nazi Zombies and Call of Duty: Black Ops. The drink itself gives the consumer what is essentially Sleight of Hand, increasing the speed at which they reload their weapon. Speed Cola is of great significance to the Empire and OPERATORS due to the fact that its associated theme song is extremely OPERATOR, possessing an OPERATOR rating of 5 Iron Mans out of 5, a feat matched only by a rare few songs. Of particular note is the fact that, after continuous analyzing and dismantling of the jingle, OPERATORS began hearing “…And Swedish bastard!” in place of, “…And speed is mastered!” in the song, an unfortunate observation that, once heard, cannot be unheard.


207px-M79_6SPACE JAM was an Imperial OPERATOR who was particularly skilled with the M79 Grenade Launcher (Imperialish: Thumper) to the point that enemy combatants could not contain their intense hatred for him. His prowess with the Thumper can be linked to his equal skill with a basketball, and the similarity in trajectory of the Thumper’s projectiles and basketballs. The amount of enemy tears collected by SPACE JAM is that which few OPERATORS can claim to match. SPACE JAM was also fond of singing the lyrics of the theme song to the 1996 movie, Space Jam, in the server chat in all capitals.



An incomplete collection of tears collected by SPACE JAM:

spacejam7 spacejam6 spacejam5 spacejam4 spacejam3 spacejam2 spacejam1


Faction_ArabThe OpFor (short for Opposing Force, sometimes referred to in Imperialish as OPERATOR FORCE) are a faction featured in some Call of Duty games, most importantly Call of Duty 4 and Modern Warfare 2. The term has grown to refer to any soldier of Arabic origin within the Empire. Despite the fact that the OpFor are Arabic soldiers, they are perhaps the most OPERATOR faction in Modern Warfare 2, as Imperial researchers have deemed the theme song of the OpFor to be especially OPERATOR, so much so that it is often cited as the best example of an OPERATOR rating of 5 Iron Mans out of 5. Further contributions to the Empire by the OpFor include the popularization of the Imperialish phrase, “Tango Sucka!”

Outside of the Call of Duty series, OpFor can refer to any terrorist organization, such as those in Counter-Strike.

North Korean Mortar Team

north-korean-women-of-warThe North Korean Mortar Team (sometimes shortened to just Korean Mortar Team in Imperialish) is the nickname given by OPERATORS to the mortar and artillery team belonging to the Good Company. The mortar team makes its heaviest appearance in Call of Duty: Black Ops. The North Korean Mortar Team originates from the 2010 bombardment of Yeonpyeong by North Korean forces, in which North Korean forces fired over 170 artillery shells (already an outdated technology) at the South Korean island of Yeongpyeong with the intent of killing as many South Korean military personnel and civilians as possible. Out of the 170+ shells fired by North Koreans, only 19 people were injured and 4 killed. This is a ratio of 42.5 artillery shells for a single kill, which is considered atrocious accuracy.

This event occurred around the same time as the Empire was actively playing Call of Duty: Black Ops. One of the killstreak rewards featured in the game is a “Mortar Team”, where you pick three areas on the map that you would like to bombard with constant mortars for a short period of time. However, the mortar teams of Good Company rarely, if ever even achieved a hit marker, let alone a full-blown frag. The ineptitude of the mortar teams deployed by the Good Company led to parallels between the game and the then-recent North Korean bombardment.

Night Vision FPS Booster

mods_tnm-01Night Vision FPS Booster is a reference to an Imperial tactic in Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. The game’s multiplayer aspect was designed to run at a consistent 60 fps even during hectic gunfights, and while it did accomplish that on more powerful computers, most machines at the time had trouble running the game smoothly on even the lowest settings. Furthermore, the console versions of the game had some chugging issues as well.

Every soldier in the game came equipped with a set of night-vision goggles that were usable even in multiplayer. While these goggles were next to useless (like they were in Counter-Strike 1.6) in the actual game, activating them had the unintended side-effect of simplifying the lighting on the map, raising FPS and making the game’s framerate more consistent. Because of this, the night-vision goggles became known as the “Night Vision FPS Boosters” or “FPS Booster Goggles” among OPERATORS. Hilariously, wearing the goggles had the unfortunate side-effect of turning the OPERATOR into a vampire, unable to venture out into sunlight lest he be completely blinded and killed.

The night-vision goggles have since been removed from the Call of Duty series in multiplayer.

Modern Warfare 2

modern-warfare-2-pc-box-artCall of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (commonly abbreviated as MW2) is a 2009 video game that was played to death by the Empire. It is unclear why or how Imperials were able to withstand the unbalanced gameplay mechanics and deep design flaws of the game for such an extended period of time. It is speculated that much of its popularity was due to fond memories of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, a popular 2007 video game from the same series. At the time of release, the now-infamous “Call of Duty craze” had not reached its peak yet, and the Call of Duty games still had a fairly decent community.

Modern Warfare 2 is notable for having, without a doubt, the highest antic potential of any video game. The amount of antics that were executed within Modern Warfare 2 alone could make up an entirely separate database. Only the most memorable antics are documented in this athenaeum.

Modern Doomfare 2

RIP_OF_TEARModern Doomfare 2 (Actual name: Real Guns Hardcore) is a modification for Doom that is regarded by every OPERATOR as literally the best thing ever created. The mod itself incorporates almost every Modern Warfare 2 weapon and perk into Doom and eliminates every single bad thing about Modern Warfare 2 in the process. The amount of joy that comes from playing Modern Doomfare 2 is unmatched in the Empire, and has become a staple sport among the Imperials, who often run through Doom WADs on co-op.